I purposefully did not make new year’s resolutions this year. As a good friend said, resolutions are just a list of things to do until the end of January and well, I don’t need another list I don’t do and feel bad about. No thanks. I already have that in my mind, heart and body, and I berate myself about it regularly. Unfortunately, this year has been quite insistent about me getting up and going when I’d like to do the precise opposite. I am QUITE comfortable in camp couch, where the fireside is the lighter for my cigarettes, and varying candy, the s’mores of the day. And whilst I may be protesting loudly in my sleep, this year will NOT leave me alone. Even my good old friend Pinterest, has been recommending far too many get up and go solutions, complete with a journal page layout to match. So I decided let’s do a few a of these suggestions my way.
I have decided that I will tie myself (in a seated position) to a treadmill and eat chocolate. This way, I will get burn the calories while I consume them, and further achieve another all important new year’s reservation: self care whilst exercising. Double win. Stop pointing out the practicality that I will fall off the treadmill. In my mind, I will loose weight whilst eating chocolate and I’ve always wanted THIS solution. And no-one said you have to STAND on the treadmill to loose weight. A further activity I will undertake is actively volunteering in the neighbourhood crime watch in the middle of the night, whilst on my medication. Under the guise of “caring for others” I fully plan to mom karate chop someone or something committing evil in the middle of the night,. This is more for me than it is for them. But I will say that it was self-defense. I’ve considered doing this malls, but apparently b*tch slapping someone as you walk to shop is not considered socially acceptable. I beg to differ. For example if it’s a man or something, there’s probably a reason I should slap him, and save his wife / girlfriend / boyfriend (or all of the above) time?
More seriously, I don’t feel like the double dose of lithium I’ve been given is working. I am frustratedly angry that I have a condition that is “sometimes ok”. I am angry that it never, ever goes away. I feel better occasionally, and even when that is the case, in the back of my mind, I wonder when the chest clenching anxiety will come back. And it either makes me feel like karate chopping someone else – or myself – dependent on mood. Each day I try and fight, try and breathe through the anxiety and irritation and sometimes it does or doesn’t work. So Pinterest, 2019 Enthusiasts, and well wishers – please shove those well meaning pins and sparklers somewhere else. I am, for as long as it will be allowed, now going kick box / b*tch slap shopping. Be part of those who support us as opposed to those who don’t. I am 4 M’s Bipolar Mom.