Lying uncomfortably at the bottom of my well of sorrow, I thought for a long time what my C would stand for.  For some unbeknownst reason as I am sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been trying to alphabet my way through my current experience and in so doing, understand and give verse to my reality.  Understand it in ways my mind and heart refuse to digest or understand.  They ache the same way, they hurt the same way every day and all I look forward to is when I can sleep again and shut the reality of the scrapes which show so terribly inside and out.

Ok but come on now, this is C for something.  I first thought hands down that it was cry. C is for cry with a capital wail.  And then I thought no that was boring and a little obvious. My second would be candy (with cracked teeth thereafter) as an important, life saving device for any and all going through depression and grief.  I have been hugged, kissed and caressed by no other than an amazing candy bar, eaten while I was fast asleep to the detriment of my remaining three teeth.  But that’s kind of similar to binge which was B, so no that wasn’t it.  No.  C you see, I think most importantly, is for compassion.

People with mental illness have difficult experiences and realities everyday regardless of whether they are depressed, grieving, having a difficult time and all of the above.  Many who live around me for example are immune to when I cry.  They simply think that the person with mental illness is being extra, and I’ve been told, using my tears as weapons.   I have never have because when my tears run, they are from a very delicate, vulnerable pool that is frustrated, lonely, sad and oh so tired.  And believe you me, each time a person with mental illness conveys that they are not ok, the greatest remedy over and above all others is compassion.  I know I need some, do you? I am 4 M’s Bipolar Mom.

13 thoughts on “C is for ?

  1. I have a good “C” word for you; COURAGE. Girl, it takes a lot of courage, not only to deal with what you are dealing with, but also for voicing it!! Thank you for this. Stay strong, friend. Writing can heal. At least it helped me when I needed it. It was there when nothing else was… Keep doing what you do. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. C is for Compassion. Compassion comes from a deep level of understanding and acceptance of the circumstances, understanding and accepting your tears as a gift from God to humanity to cleanse your heart and purify the soul.

    Compassion is also a deep understanding that comes from fogiveness and the acceptance now that you must stand on your own. Now is the time to uproot and heal your own internal wounds you may still hold in your heart toward your mom. She will hear you now without judgement and feel the truth in your heart.

    Compassion comes also to you and your heart when you forgive yourself for not feeling worthy, or not feeling good enough or not being acceptable in the eyes of your mom. Accept that she was who she was, loved you in the best way she could with what she was taught or conditioned to be from generations past.
    Forgiveness helps to release us from our internal miseries and frees the soul to guide you to be the best you can be…for yourself and those around you.

    Compassion is learning to love yourself , become self-reliant and brings inner peace.

    Be compassionate to you. Today and everyday moving forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I find in general a lot of people lack compassion. Which is a sad state of affairs for humans.

    My dog has more compassion and can read me better than most people. Especially those looking from the outside in who don’t know me.

    Liked by 1 person

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