2020-Me

Dear Friends and Fellow Bloggers – I hope that you are well as you can be. If you’ve been reading my blog you might say that this girl has had a bit of a pity party for the year. I’ve got multiple things to add to the sorrow list and more. Much more that had previously convinced me to sit down and not want to get up. 2023 hasn’t been clear with her intentions and frankly, after everything I and you have been through with my mental illnesses, 4 children, 1 husband and four Daschunds, it is difficult not to want a government approved/printed manual on how to stay alive and other handy household hints. Maybe even family survival crossword puzzles to pass the time while the power is off?

Seriously though, I don’t want to sit down and am prepared to fight every day but that’s really difficult to do when you don’t know the size of the monster that threatens to take the color out of your day. It is difficult to do with the veracity of the monster that despite your best treatment comes again, affecting you, and those you love. It takes a long time to get better. I have been there and there were instructive times I would park myself in the give up corner. One such time was in a psychiatric ward after an attempt. I was at a public hospital and there is no privacy or basic resources but it was the best service I could access.

A grandmother laid across the ward from me. I got to know her, took her water and chatted about her children. I shared what my husband brought with her. She was in the psych ward but for different treatment due to unfortunate space constraints. When the doctor come into the ward he looked through my chart and remarked the reason for my treatment. When patient grandmother heard she practically spat on the ground and said she couldn’t believe her ears or eyes. She asked why I as a beautiful mother with a husband who came with treats everyday and beautiful children would not choose life. She did not mean it offensively, and softened her tone asking me to sit with her. She said my child, even in the greatest darkness there is light. Always try to find it. I think she may be right. Welcome to 20-20-Me. xx