Dear Friends and Fellow Bloggers – I hope that you are as well as you can be. On Friday last week, my husband and I found out that we are definitely going to be grandparents in August, this year. Shock. People asked me how did I not know and well my answer is that we don’t as a practice, undertake body frisking/shake downs of our children/adults each day. What went through my mind was who would want a crazy grandma like me? Here I am dealing with trying to stay well and promote my mental health but here we are, baby on the way, pretty soon at that. I am also wondering if the big guy up there has a wicked sense of humour having me be star in an ever exciting, plot twisting, reality tv show.
Don’t be mistaken, I am excited for my daughter and I pray for the health and well-being of her and the baby. I was just and am just so far from being ready for this. I finally believed that I was going to lead my own life with our youngest being 16. I believed I would finally find a way of charting and living through this rollercoaster of a mental illness and find peace somehow. This seems a little less possible with a newborn and a mother that does not yet know how to look after a baby. You can tell me that she can learn, but that’s just not how we roll in my family. I’m not sure what to do and how to respond.
Perhaps it is not my responsibility and she and her partner need to look after the baby but I know that they can’t. I know they don’t have the faintest clue what it takes to raise a baby, to go through a series of late nights, let alone the finances it takes to raise a little being that is pretty expensive to look after. I’m confused, happy, and committed but sad for me. I had thought that me and my mental illness would finally have a chance to live in peace. To sit in the sun and not have responsibility for other beings that need two hourly feeds. So today I am seriously happy and sad and not so sure what to do. I hope you have an awesome day.
4 M's Bipolar Mom 