Dear Friends and Fellow Bloggers – I hope that you are as well as you can be. Each morning after enough coffee, I open the windows of our house and quietly ask that my children/husband/home be kept safe. It’s an important ritual for me that reminds me that the sun rises each day, that there’s prayers following my loved ones about and that should be enough to ensure I have a little bit of hope. Recently I haven’t felt it. I have instead ate, slept and experienced overwhelming bleugh/sigh/exhaustion etc which unfortunately wins above anything else. It’s because feeling like that always wins over everything else whether you like it or not. There’s also that uncharming let’s here we go again feeling that is bitterly boring.
I’ve been home for a few days from a psych ward still playing with pills and dosages to see which works which is fun and rather interesting when trying to keep your job, be a mom and wife all of a sudden and quickly. I’ve tried to keep my wits about me but the truth is I don’t have many spare wits at the moment. I’d rather be gardening on my own. Reading and resting to give a weary soul/ piece of person that honestly after living a life of running for too long trying to hide my crazy which I am finding just isn’t going to work anymore.
Whilst a one-woman protest may be what’s in order, it’s not going to help things much, and as I’ve said life and other leading financial institutions do not offer all comprehensive insurance packages for chronic mental illness. So even when you are feeling grim you have to go about it. Mine starts with opening the curtains. With intentionally believing that despite so much I am going to have an ok day. That my loved ones will be ok. All of this happens I believe with even the smallest glimmer of hope. I am going to try to grow mine.
4 M's Bipolar Mom 